In my cave

I’m still too far from being ok. It was a holiday yesterday, and it will be another holiday tomorrow, so no work today because everybody in this country, specially in this bloody city, won’t work between 2 holidays! I’ve been at home since last Friday doing nothing but thinking how shitty my life is, how uninteresting I am, and how come I have nothing to do besides being home in front of my laptop. I’ve never imagined I would miss work! Well, at least when I’m working I’m surrounded by (sometimes nice) people and not thinking about things.

When I’m depressed I like to cook. And that’s what I did today. Spent lots of money on good quality ingredients. Since you’re willing to cook a nice meal, enjoy eating it and therefore putting on some weight, there’s no reason to do it without quality products and the most important thing: passion!

I haven’t been on msn messenger for more or less a week, so I haven’t been talking with anybody. I’m stuck in my pseudo cave saving me from the outside world. There’s one thing I still haven’t figured out how to do: save me from myself! Am I my worst enemy? I guess so…

6 days at home

Last Thursday was a national holiday, so since everybody is lazy (including me) in this bloody country nobody worked on Friday. Today (Tuesday) is a regional holiday so, nobody worked on Monday either. The result? Six boring days at home!

Ok, not all days were boring (see my previous post), but I guess the final result was not good at all. I ended up arguing with her again, and I ended up going to the cinema, which I love and I hadn’t done that in a long while. The two films I saw were sad, depressive but somehow I like it. I keep thinking that by watching those kinds of things I will learn and be ready to face certain situations in the future. But then, I never learn or I’m always afraid of facing them, you know what I mean?

Having said that, it’s sad to say and admit that I’m indeed a lonely person. No matter how many great new friends I have, I turn out to find myself alone, doing things alone. What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with the others? Am I selfish? I guess I could do years of therapy and I would never know.