The gay friend

In the past few months I have lost contact with my old friends. Not because we have decided not to be friends any more, but because of our lives. I’ve been busy working hard, and so are they (or at least I think so). Our days off don’t match and on my day offs I only want to stay home, rest, watch some tv shows or movies that I’ve previously downloaded, or just go to the nearest starbucks for a cappuccino or hot chocolate. I believe they think the same. Also, some of them are in a relationship and this is another reason they kind of disappear, which they shouldn’t btw, but then this matter deserves another post in the future.

At the same time I’ve been surrounded by girl friends (not girlfriends! just girls who are my friend if you know what I mean). Who said friendship between men and women aren’t possible? Of course it is! Anyway, I’ve been hanging out with girls a lot. We have fun and we talk about everything. My only question is: if I’m good enough to be a good friend, why am I not good enough to be a boyfriend? The answer is a mystery. One of these friends told me it’s because I care too much, I look too much for it. Maybe she’s right, I don’t know. Sometimes I think they see me as the gay friend, do you know what I mean? The friend the girls count on to everything, ask for any kind of advise and stuff like that, and then they don’t want any kind of romantic attachment at all. Well, there’s just one very important detail here: I’m not gay!

Even at work I’m surrounded by women. I teach three classes in one course that are women-only! I’m the only guy there, believe it or not. I used to be very shy, still am. But I’ve improved a lot thanks to work. I’m not afraid of girls anymore, I can start a conversation, I can be in the same room with them, I can give them a ride home, I can have coffee with them. Hey, wait a second! Who am I lying to? Of course I’m still terrified about girls! If I see there’s a tiny possibility of asking a girl out on a date, I totally blow it. I have this gift of saying the wrong things at the wrong time, or not saying anything at any time at all.

Me, myself, without Irene (the day after)

Left work, took my car, faced a huge stressful traffic jam to have a fantastic night! And am I feeling good? Not really! I’m pretty down, actually.

Half an hour before the gig I stopped at a restaurant to have dinner. Ate a very nice pasta as fast as I could, coz I was getting late for the gig. An interesting fact about this fast pit stop at the restaurant was the waitress. Not because she was cute or hot, but because I was wearing a Helloween t-shirt and she said: “Are you going to the gig?” And I said: “In a matter of fact, yeah, I am. I’m a bit late actually. I kind of need the meal asap.” The fact that she actually knew who Helloween was, is great!

Anyway, I arrived at the venue 30 min after my meal and 30 minutes before the gig. The venue is under a mall, so since I was alone, I decided to go for a walk in the mall to see if I could bump into someone I knew. I couldn’t find anyone, so I decided to enter the venue. As I put my feet inside it, I bumped into Sylvia, someone that I know from the music studio where I often hang out. In fact, we just said hello and she didn’t seem very excited to see me, so I said bye bye and told her I would talk to her later (I was lying, of course!). Some minutes later I saw 2 guys who I once knew from a galaxy far, far away. So, I pretty much didn’t talk to anybody during the whole gig, nor during my way back home. Actually, I only talked with someone when the phone rang this morning and it wasn’t for me!

Well, I did open my mouth! I just didn’t open it to talk, but I opened to sing all the songs, hehe! I also shook my body in some occasions hehe! As for the gig itself, it was AMAZING! I already knew Gamma Ray was able to deliver a very energetic gig! Energy was something that lacked Helloween in their 2006 gig, and that was the reason I was a bit, let’s say, not so excited about it. But, it was a surprise after all! Helloween is a band again! It appears the’ve finally gotten over all those internal problems and the new (not so new anymore) members are totally integrated with the original band members and the fans! The Helloween ‘spirit’ is alive again! It was the best Helloween gig (considering stage, setlist and band ebergy) I ever saw with my very own eyes! Even better than the 98 gig when they supported Maiden. Oh, and I was almost forgetting to mention the fact that Kai Hansen went on stage to sing/play the last 2 songs with Helloween. Kai left Helloween in 89 to form Gamma Ray, so watching him on stage with Helloween was a dream come true. It was a chilling moment. I actually got the chills for more or less 5 minutes! Amazing!

And now I go back to the first paragraph of this post. I’m feeling down. Really am. Not having anybody (colleague, friend, relative or girlfriend) to share this special moment is very depressing and sad. Instead of being a nice and talkative (full of comments about the gig) drive home with friends, it was a long, cold, and silent one.