The gay friend

In the past few months I have lost contact with my old friends. Not because we have decided not to be friends any more, but because of our lives. I’ve been busy working hard, and so are they (or at least I think so). Our days off don’t match and on my day offs I only want to stay home, rest, watch some tv shows or movies that I’ve previously downloaded, or just go to the nearest starbucks for a cappuccino or hot chocolate. I believe they think the same. Also, some of them are in a relationship and this is another reason they kind of disappear, which they shouldn’t btw, but then this matter deserves another post in the future.

At the same time I’ve been surrounded by girl friends (not girlfriends! just girls who are my friend if you know what I mean). Who said friendship between men and women aren’t possible? Of course it is! Anyway, I’ve been hanging out with girls a lot. We have fun and we talk about everything. My only question is: if I’m good enough to be a good friend, why am I not good enough to be a boyfriend? The answer is a mystery. One of these friends told me it’s because I care too much, I look too much for it. Maybe she’s right, I don’t know. Sometimes I think they see me as the gay friend, do you know what I mean? The friend the girls count on to everything, ask for any kind of advise and stuff like that, and then they don’t want any kind of romantic attachment at all. Well, there’s just one very important detail here: I’m not gay!

Even at work I’m surrounded by women. I teach three classes in one course that are women-only! I’m the only guy there, believe it or not. I used to be very shy, still am. But I’ve improved a lot thanks to work. I’m not afraid of girls anymore, I can start a conversation, I can be in the same room with them, I can give them a ride home, I can have coffee with them. Hey, wait a second! Who am I lying to? Of course I’m still terrified about girls! If I see there’s a tiny possibility of asking a girl out on a date, I totally blow it. I have this gift of saying the wrong things at the wrong time, or not saying anything at any time at all.