More than just a Toblerone bar

Yesterday I was wandering in the streets of Ipanema looking for a Toblerone bar, when I realized I was near the shop where one of my ex bosses works now. So I thought why not? I’ll drop by to say hello, it’s been a year (or maybe more) since I last saw him.

So there I was and at the moment he saw me, he smiled. You could see that his mood had just changed. He seemed really happy to see me, and well, I can’t describe what I felt, I guess I was happy to see him happy with my presence.

So we talked for almost half an hour and the ‘happy for the moment’ guy seemed a sad guy. Although he’s happy for his daughters (one has just found a great job and the other one is finishing college this year), you could see he was worried. He’s moving to São Paulo in two weeks time. He quit the job at the shop and he’s just waiting for the month to end, so he can pack up and go. He will move to his other wife’s (men, go figure them!) house with no job perspective at all. He told me he doesn’t have any saving accounts, so he’s pretty much fucked up if he doesn’t find a job in, let’s say, 2 months. And what if he doesn’t find anything? Will the other wife take care of him? Be patient and wait God knows how long, until he finds something? He has a 6 years old kid with this other woman. What impression will the kid have of his father who doesn’t work and stay at home all day long?

He’s around 50 and he has worked in the music business all his life. The future of the music industry is dark, and honestly, I don’t think he will find the job so easily. Things are difficult around here, you know what i mean? I’m worried for him. I’m worried because I know he’s a nice, honest guy, a guy who has worked hard all his life to maintain his 2 families, a guy who deserves all the best.

I wish you all the best my friend! Good luck with your new life in São Paulo!

What seemed a simple quest for a toblerone bar turned out to be a quite complex monday afternoon, which will stay in my mind for some time. What should I do to avoid this happening to me? My future is not clear in my mind, and the only thing that is clear enough is that I don’t want this shitty situation to happen to me.

Lost

Have you ever felt the future is the past, but you dont know how…?
A reflected dream of a captured time, is it really now, is it really happening?

Dont know why I feel this way, have I dreamt this time, this place?

All my hopes and expectations, looking for an explanation
Have I found my destination? I just cant take no more

Think Ive heard your voice before, think Ive said these words before
Something makes me feel I just might lose my mind
Am I still inside my dream? is this a new reality
Something makes me feel that I have lost my mind

I get up put on the light, dreading the oncoming night
Scared to fall asleep and dream the dream again
Nothing that I contemplate, nothing that I can compare
To letting loose the demons deep inside my head

Dread to think what might be stirring, that my dream is reoccurring
Got to keep away from drifting, saving me from myself

Lost in a dream of mirrors, lost in a paradox
Lost and time is spinning, lost a nightmare I retrace
Lost a hell that I revisit, lost another time and place
Lost a parallel existence, lost a nightmare I retrace

No need to say that I’m not on my best moment right now, right? Sometimes I think like disappearing just like the kid from this amazing film (based on a true story). But this isn’t a solution, is it?

Oh, btw, the extracts above are from one of my favorite songs called ‘Dream of Mirrors’.